Author: Ashley Lynn Simon, MS, BA, NASM PT
February 3, 2024
Let's normalize that needing to lean into discomfort is human and vital for growth.
(Pausing to briefly point out Laura Dern's ironic discomfort here)
The current muse stems from Albert Einstein's quote:
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Staying stagnant doesn't work when it doesn't work. We are alive to shock our systems and to level up in our growth. This, I believe, is fundamental when looking into the meaning attached to human existence.
So, first, time for some self-reflection:
(tip: #journaling may support a deeper exploration and assist with concentration)
Have you ever yearned so deeply for change to occur, yet felt so fearful of the process and outcome of changing the patterns, so you sticking with complacent patterns and choosing to not reach satisfaction, fulfillment, and joy in life was the result?
Reflect on that for a minute.
Have you ever continued to avoid facing those patterns and changing what you have control over while allowing yourself to let go of the factors outside of your control?
Have you ever paused your life and gotten that real with yourself?
Let's normalize that we all tend to swerve these questions at points in our lives. Holding ourselves accountable can be painful, but is necessary.
Approach these #checkyourself moments with courage. Everyone would just become complacent if not. Go into the areas you have been avoiding.
Self-reflecting on the comfortable patterns that are meeting our needs in a healthy way is also SO important. We can totally be comfortable with healthy patterns. Why change a healthier pattern propelling you forward in your growth? Give yourself credit where it is working well for you and your process.
In this post, I am focusing on how #takingyourpowerback through placing yourself in uncomfortable situations can lead to breaking complacent patterns, achieving goals and dreams, and growing with changes we have been avoiding, yet needing.
So first, let's normalize that there are common feelings of fear, anxiety, and nervousness as we acknowledge and officially break our complacent patterns. Why wouldn't you feel these emotions? These are patterns that your brain came up with that are serving a purpose for you, or did in the past. In some way, they kept you safe and met your needs. Examples include both maladaptive and adaptive coping skills, defense mechanisms, habits, etc. Don't forget to lean into the natural feelings of excitement, curiosity, and trust, as well. These emotions may (or may not) have quieter voices, by they are still alive and trying to support you! LISTEN!
I'll use maladaptive coping skills as an example. I included adaptive coping skills above, as well, because sometimes we also become complacent in patterns that are healthy and work for us. Okay, that's great!
Focusing on maladaptive coping skills as an example of breaking comfortable patterns to achieve needed healthy change serves the purpose of this article better, though. "Coping" is defined as being an internal and external way to regulate, apply, or increase distress tolerance, and handle stressful, triggering situations (Algorani & Gupta, 2023). So, it makes sense that adaptive ones, or "flexible coping skills" are functional, healthy, and may not need changing!
Maladaptive coping skills, however, are not flexible, are associated with enabling or, in general, poor mental health outcomes, and increase the chances of higher psychopathological symptoms (DSM-5-TR diagnosable, possibly). Yet, we get used to them, understandably. They become a known and comfortable strategy to lean on. We are supposed to outgrow maladaptive coping skills and continue adapting, or changing, these patterns.
How do we achieve this? Well, by placing ourselves in uncomfortable situations and growing from them! By doing so, we can try on various strategies, develop and grow, and lean on what our experiences have taught us to be able to do so.
SO, let's talk about #schema and the role it plays in this leaning into our discomfort.
Look at "schema", in psychological and cognitive sciences, as the stored pattern of thoughts or behaviors that categorizes information from experiences we continuously collect throughout our lives and the relationships we have to them, or in other words, the meaning we attach to them, based on those experiences, how we felt, our thoughts (how are you narrating the experience?), and the outcomes.
Let's also normalize that a lot of the patterns we become comfortable with stem from early maladaptive schemas (EMSs), which are, "broad, pervasive character traits that develop during childhood in reaction to toxic early experiences" (Hawke & Provencher, 2011). The reason I bring schema into this post is to provide insight to WHY we may develop a comfort and complacency in the patterns we choose to live in, even if they are keeping us from letting go and moving forward towards our goals and dreams.
That being said, clearly reflecting on these comfortable patterns may bring a level of emotion and triggering that will require some tender love and care #TLC. Remind yourself that you WILL need self-compassion, that is non-negotiable. Please access love and understanding and lean into it while you're breaking these patterns.
Once we let go of these patterns, we can begin approaching the discomfort with the excitement, curiosity, and trust in the process. You know, those yummy, empowering emotions I mentioned may be quietly waiting inside of you? Well now invite them to scream and fill you with motivation!
As humans, once we can accept the "seeking" primary affect we have rooted within our instincts, we can start to formulate a new meaning when it comes to entering new, less-than-comfortable, situations, goals, and projects; wherever the growth is planted.
What do I mean by "seeking" being a primary affect within our instincts?
Humans are curious, as are most organisms. Curiosity is a basic, day-one, foundation of our cognition. It is a motivating factor that drives us to have the deep need to continue healthily learning, developing, experiencing, influencing, and making decisions (Kidd & Hayden, 2015). We need to feed that deeply rooted drive within us. I emphasize the importance of keeping that "seeking" flame fueled and branded to your identity, goals, and needs.
I mean, have you ever felt that dreadfully lost, unfulfilled feeling after becoming so disconnected from this basic human need? It can feel agonizing.
Reflection PAUSE!
Here is an existential one:
Why do you think, as humans, we organically (and ironically) find discomfort in sitting in the comfort that enables us to avoid the action it takes to step into uncomfortable situations to break patterns and grow?
I find this perspective powerful. It helps: the process of channeling self-compassion feel easier to access; normalize the process thanks to scientific and biological understanding while approaching change (which gives me more trust in the process), and it is motivating! It makes me feel excited to shake things up a bit because I am supposed to feed that drive to develop into my next life chapters, as if I am living up to one of the human purposes.
Why?
It is straightforward; goals and dreams are achieved through discomfort. Mistakes, failure, and critical or harsh feedback from others; ALL of these are situations are uncomfortable, yet they are necessary for growth leading to your version of success.
I'll use my journey at this present time as a personal anecdote and supportive example to influence the human-ness and normalcy of what I just stated.
Going into the year 2024, I have decided to put myself in an uncomfortable situation for growth. Call it a New Year goal, theme, anthem, motto, resolution, or whatever. This is my muse for 2024.
The reason why is because I had been repeating the same thing for months. I was noticing myself steadily growing more angry and unfulfilled. I felt disconnected from my identity, independence, and values. After having a very insightful conversation with a friend, I accepted the inner fear I had so deep within me and had given so much power to, it that the anger was anger felt towards not taking my own control and accountability into account to change my patterns (a lot of avoidance). I'd often ruminate on these questions;
"I need things to change..."
"This situation is not working for me..."
"I need to take control where I can..."
So, I came to the ultimate and final question before saying "fuck it, I'm doing it":
"Why am I not doing things differently if this isn't working?"
Once I accepted the fact that, for my own personal and professional goals and dreams, I would need to do things that made me feel uncomfortable (aka video content... I dread the sound of my own voice!!) in order to start seeing movement. I would need to break the ice at some point to start growing from feedback, mistakes, and failures. Those are the uncomfortable, fear-escalating things though. I had forgotten until I put myself out there, that discomfort can also bring praise, affirmations, and encouragement.
Changing the complacent patterns I've been stuck in has now inspired me to choose to take control over what I can in my life to progress. Channeling courage and bravery has led me to create and post relatable, engaging content to support others, and I am not more motivated and hopeful than I have been in years all thanks to my choice to lean into my own discomfort!
So I challenge you to take a leap of faith into your own discomfort, and use these takeaways as guidance:
1.) Confront those uncomfortable self-reflection questions. Journaling is a great, organizational and hands-on way to do this. Externalizing reflections and thoughts oftentimes makes abstract or emotionally triggering, internal content more concrete and easier to process.
2.) Understand why your patterns exist. What purposes did/do they serve in meeting or not meeting your needs? Do they bring comfort, yet keep you complacent in patterns that aren't serving you in a healthy and flexible way?
3.) Apply A LOT of self-compassion. Reflect on your schema to understand why your brain created these patterns in the first place, and how they supported you during the time of creation. Give yourself a lot of #selflove along the way.
4.) Create a plan of action! List large objective and attainable goals underneath each one. Note the comfort or discomfort felt imagining yourself performing tasks to achieve each goal next to each one (scale 0-5, none to the max felt). This is so you can approach each uncomfortable task from least to most; increasing the chances that your schema is already associating positive outcomes to the changes, therefore decreasing the discomfort bringing distress.
5.) Repeat, repeat, adjust, try the new version, adjust, keep going. Give yourself permission to make mistakes, because you will. How you choose to use those mistakes is up to you. Think of schema as your blueprint to life, mistakes as your edits, achievements as success to the outcome to your final draft, and watch how many more experiences you end up trusting yourself to tackle and the growth that will accumulate!
Author
Ashley Simon, MS, NASM PT | Creator of LNT Blog
What was I listening to while writing this post?
LNT: Leaning Into Your Discomfort
1.) This is what winter sounds like, by JVKE
2.) Surround Sound, by 21 Savage & Baby Tate
3.) The Longest Time, by Billy Joel
4.) Is It Love, by Loreen
5.) Loving You Will Be The Death Of Me, by Tom Odell
6.) I Want It That Way, by Backstreet Boys
7.) Grenade, by Bruno Mars
8.) Swan Upon Leda, by Hozier
9.) Keep On Loving You, by Cigarettes After Sex
10.) Two Weeks, Grizzly Bear
11.) Shape of Me, by Rita Ora (ft. Keith Urban)
12.) AURA, by Lilyisthatyou
References:
Algorani EB, Gupta V. Coping Mechanisms. [Updated 2023 Apr 24]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK559031/
Hawke, L. D., & Provencher, M. D. (2011). Schema theory and schema therapy in mood and anxiety disorders: A review (25th ed.). 2011 Springer Publishing Company. https://doi.org/http://dx.doi.org/10.1891/0889-8391.25.4.257
Kidd, C., & Hayden, B. Y. (2015). The Psychology and Neuroscience of Curiosity. Neuron, 88(3), 449–460. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuron.2015.09.010
Kommentare