Change is the most inevitable thing in life, and anxiety HATES that.
Make sure to read to the end of the article to read about 5 Tools to Embrace Change. Use these free, accessible mental health tools to practice surrendering to change as it inevitably happens and take power in moments of change.
I'm sitting here at the age of 28 years old doom scrolling through my Instagram feed, okay?
And I kid you not...
At this point, every other post must be an update about somebody from my youth or early adolescence getting married or having a baby.
Aside from the relationship and pregnancy-based announcements, there are a handful of people who are settling into new locations, identities, careers... the list goes on.
This reality that time isn't here to wait for anybody to catch up (especially after the pandemic) makes me anxious as f*CK.
I mean, my own #anxiety skyrockets at the reality of my 10th-year high school reunion this year. I'm not even going to sit here and try to hide that change feels scary, exciting, stressful, joyful, etc.
SO many mixed emotions at play; do you resonate?
However, I'm working on it. I recognize the need to tap into the "anxiety cluster" of fear and stress that forms after ruminating on thoughts about time leaving little time to process each moment as it happens.
But you know what?
Naturally, #change feels uncomfortable. It is unknown to us humans, making the outcome difficult to prepare for, as well as predict.
Anxiety LOVES to predict the outcome of change to prepare and protect. Change is difficult and of COURSE, any human (can't speak for other organisms) is susceptible to feeling vulnerable, fearful, and uncomfortable.
That's all anxiety screaming that it needs you to acknowledge it
So, realistically, why wouldn't change increase anxiety? Let's acknowledge the science here and normalize that.
Change is supposed to happen and here is why; humans cannot grow without shaking the norm, the comfortable, and the known that are conducting our daily lives. We need to shake the system in order to develop into our best selves! We need change to move forward, whether that is individual, at work, in a relationship, societal, etc. Change looks different for everyone and in different environments.
As humans, we are supposed to go through it to grow through it.
This hits you hard in your late twenties (hence a quarter-life-crisis) because we developmentally realize the finite delicacy of life, existence, and time orchestrating it all. I say this because this DID hit me HARD as I am in my late twenties and I want others to feel supported and normal for feeling this way about change.
If you feel you are abnormal for feeling the way you feel about change, then take this as your awakening; control those anxious thoughts and take this message seriously. You are normal for feeling this as a human.
You are the one giving power to those anxious thoughts about change, so you. can take it away. Place that power elsewhere in your thoughts to prepare yourself within your control since we all know change is out of anyone's control.
Because whether we like it or not, change happens.
It is up to us to go along with change processes instead of fighting it.
Change is inevitable. It is normal.
So is fearing that change.
And so is overcoming that fear and growing into the change.
Does any successful story begin with the main character deciding the change starting the plotline is "too uncomfortable", or "too scary", so they decide to remain complacent? Not embark on the journey?
No. The story would end when with the death of change.
Imagine if Harry Potter said, "No thanks, Hagrid, that just feels like too much unknown for me".
Not much of a development there. In fact, in this case, Voldemort would have done his nasty business with the world anyway, and Harry would have remained complacent with being treated like trash until muggles' impending doom.
You get the point.
And remember, you don't know the outcome of anything; even the things you have experienced before.
You can understand how to navigate certain situations better than others you haven't experienced before, sure! However, no outcome is the same. Normalizing change happening is neutralizing it in your timeline, making it feel less scary and overwhelming.
Change the mindset from, "At least we know the routine and what to expect", to, "I'm grateful to know and have what I have from my present life, and not I get to add onto my story!"
PAUSE: Fun Fact!
Did you know the TV show, Arrested Development, holds reference to Erik Erikson's Psychosocial Development theory from the 1950s (Orenstein & Lewis, 2022)? Ideally, it theorizes that we have 8 sequential individual human developmental stages to move through in each lifespan. Biological, psychological, and social factors through life experiences and changes better equip us for the next stage. Each stage has two psychological tendencies; one positive, leading one to develop an ego of virtue and strength, and the other one negative, leading one to be maldeveloped, or get "arrested in development". They did not achieve the lessons of growth that led to development and thus may hold more anxiety about the unknown outcomes of life changes that come with time. They may feel underequipped, unprepared, ashamed, and so forth.
Think of our lives, each one, as its own story. We are the main characters living in our plotlines.
We are the ones deciding whether or not to embrace the change life forces on us.
Even though we need change to discover our character's development; to test our limits, and strengths, learn how to handle new situations, and expand our universe, that doesn't mean anxiety can predict that is what the outcome will be.
Let's normalize that we've all felt anxious about change at some point.
Anxiety likes to know what will happen to its human.
Anxiety likes to know how to prepare for the future to help it's human get the desired outcome.
Anxiety likes to protect and shelter it's human.
Anxiety isn't trying to keep you complacent, it just doesn't know what to expect yet. Keeping it sheltered and unexposed to new experiences merely reinforces the pattern of simply not embracing the inevitable.
I've had clients who've lived with social or generalized anxiety intensely fear change to the point of almost taking themselves out of life to avoid or fight it. I have also seen those same clients finally decide to surrender after I looked at them and repeated one of my favorite lines, "the only thing inevitable in life is change".
The exhale of the tension that held the distance between themselves and change released; the deflation of their shoulders as fear left their bodies and acceptance was, at last, welcomed.
The first time I witnessed that moment from someone, I remember thinking I just saw someone take their power back. #TBYP
So, I want to leave you with a lasting impact as a parting conclusion to this post. I want to leave you with 5 Tools to Embrace Change. I've created a list of 5 tools to apply to a change process happening now, or maybe it hasn't happened yet, but it will. Use these 5 accessible mental health tools as a way to take your power back, prepare for your next chapter in areas you can control, develop your character, and cope along the way.
5 Tools to Embrace Change:
(1)
Recognize Change Is Occurring
Surrender to the change process early on. Use Step 3 to prepare.
It's happening whether you like it or not. Life doesn't cater to your comfort. It is your job to figure out what works for you. Sorry for the tough love, but at some point, you have to allow yourself to just expect it to occur as naturally as rain falls.
For now, just recognize change is approaching, happening, or has happened.
Pause to process. Let your brain catch up and know what is occurring to take notes because these new experiences are how you continuously plan for the next change (and the next, and the next...).
You're essentially accumulating life experiences like a snowball and collecting do's and don'ts for future situations that may call for methods that worked during this change process!
Think: I am collecting tools in my change process toolbox right now for next time.
Do not hoard these tools, let go of the maladaptive ones that no longer work. Remember? Change is the goal here.
(2)
Identify How This Change Is Making You Feel (and BE HONEST with yourself!)
Nobody gets better without being vulnerable during growth processes.
Changing may be one of the most vulnerable processes we will experience in life. Getting real with yourself and identifying your authentic emotions about the change is just as important as any other step here.
Do whatever you need to reach that level of deep introspection. Journal, list, say them out loud, scream them, sing them, it doesn't matter how you are (safely) externalizing, as long as you are using your courage to face them and honor them. That is what matters in this step. Just get them out of you so you break any avoidance, bottling up, or hushing of emotions. It's 2024, let's normalize none of these methods work long term.
Get to know how you're feeling! That is part of taking back your power and controlling areas where you realistically can, by the way.
If you're having a difficult time due to lower emotional vocabulary, don't feel bad. Consider this normalizing it and use this Emotions Wheel as a resource below:
(Begin identifying the primary emotion in the middle and work out; each emotion is categorized by pipeline and color).
(3)
List: What You Can Vs. What You (Realistically) Cannot Control During This Change
With time, you can choose to do this step without listing it on a piece of paper. If you have never focused on this topic before, I encourage you to write a list
Create a simple bullet-pointed "T-Chart" like the one below with one side the list of things you can control and cannot control, and be realistic. Examples of within our control factors are our reactions to how we feel; how we respond; how we care for ourselves through change; coping skills; who to utilize as a "support system"; etc. Things outside of our control are the weather; how others feel or react; what others say or think; what the change is; when it comes; time; etc.
(4)
List: What You Can Vs. What You (Realistically) Cannot Control During This Change
Start making a plan using the identifiable factors you just acknowledged you CAN control through the time of change! You have your resources, you have the information, and you've taken a complete, thorough look at the power you have...
So now USE IT!
Not only will you feel more prepared, you're applying the tools to de-escalate your anxiety, fears, etc., that fog up the ability but you're also seeing the benefits and how much control you DO have in a situation of change.
Additionally, take it a step further and evaluate how you have used control during change in the past. What STRENGTHS did you control in the process? Which SUPPORT figures did you reach out to? Which healthy coping skills charged you? Did you choose to control any of this?
The choice is yours to take advantage of what you can control and apply what has worked for you in the past through change.
(4)
ACT on your plan! Embrace Change!
Now follow through with it! Flow with the change, don't turn upstream. Change isn't a legally binding contract. Experience the change and earn your growth, then change again if you decide you want or need something else.
Maybe you're ready for more growth at that point in the future! Regardless, you can always change back; however, now you're changing back to a healthier, richer, life with the growth and reinforcement of your strength to survive and handle change in the first place #positivereinforcement
At this point, you may have processed your anxiety and nurtured it enough to even feel excited as an outcome ( excitement = positive anxiety humans feel to perform well within society, #FYI ).
In conclusion...
You've got this, and I am so excited for you and your journey!
The takeaways here are:
1.) Change happens, embrace it.
2.) Feeling anxious about time and change is normal. You can control not to give anxious thoughts the power to escalate the fear.
3.) Use the positive reframing around change to channel excitement about your upcoming growth!
4.) USE THE 5 TOOLS!!! Practice them and make a habit. They are easy, quick, and right here for you to access.
Author
Ashley Simon, MS, NASM PT | Creator of LNT Blo
What was I listening to while writing this post?
Location by Khalid
Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex
Of All The Gin Joints In The World by Fall Out Boy
Break From Toronto by PARTYNEXTDOOR
Until I Found You by Stephen Sanchez & Em Beihold
It Girl by Jason Derulo
The Way I Loved You (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift
Circus by Britney Spears
Losin' Control by Russ
Till I Collapse by Eminem & Nate Dogg
Bad Boy! by Bella Poarch
Marvin's Room by Drake
References:
Orenstein GA, Lewis L. Eriksons Stages of Psychosocial Development. [Updated 2022 Nov 7]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556096/
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